Introducing Gary Port, ( shown here with more hair than he actually has!) the retired Lieutenant Colonel with a career that’s taken more twists and turns than a rollercoaster at a theme park! Strap in, folks, because Gary’s life is a comedy waiting to happen.
Gary’s journey began as an army lawyer, and if you think that sounds serious and solemn, you clearly haven’t met Gary. Picture him in uniform, passionately arguing his cases with the gusto of a seasoned stand-up comedian. “Objection, Your Honor! That joke was inadmissible!” he’d quip from the courtroom bench, much to the amusement of the judge and jury.
But Gary wasn’t satisfied with just one career in the world of law. Oh no, he decided to up the ante and become the Brooklyn DA, tackling cases with the same charm and humor that made him a courtroom legend. His closing statements were less about evidence and more about punchlines, and it worked like a charm. Brooklyn became the safest place to commit a crime because no one could take him seriously – even the criminals!
Fast forward to the present, and Gary has seamlessly transitioned into the world of divorce law. If you think he left his courtroom theatrics behind, you’re dead wrong. His clients are in for a real treat as he negotiates settlements with the flair of a game show host. “And behind Door Number 3, folks, you’ll find half of your assets!” he’d exclaim with a wink.
Now, in his personal life, Gary’s been married for a whopping 35 years – an achievement that deserves its own sitcom. His wife, the queen of sarcasm, keeps him on his toes, and his four adult children? Well, let’s just say they’re a source of endless entertainment.
Sara, the oldest, works as a scientist with NASA, and the other three kids (whose names he can’t remember) are convinced she’s the favorite. They never miss a chance to remind Gary that Sara is the shining star of the family, which, of course, he denies with a mischievous grin.
But Gary’s biggest challenge isn’t in the courtroom or with his kids; it’s in his own home, where he shares his space with four feathered friends. These birds are like little comedians themselves. They steal his food, squawk loudly in his ear when he’s on important calls, and, in a twist of irony, seem to have a knack for perfectly timed bathroom breaks – right on Gary!
So, there you have it, folks – Gary Port, the retired Lieutenant Colonel turned lawyer extraordinaire, husband to a sarcastic wife, father of four, and the unofficial punching bag for his avian companions. Life with Gary is a never-ending sitcom, where the punchlines come fast, the gags are plenty, and laughter is always on the docket.
